Time For Change

I’ve been thinking a lot about it this week, and I really need to change. I have been really upset with myself lately because I’ve been misbehaving a lot lately, yes, I know this blog post is going to be all about how I want to change. it’s pretty loud over here because I’m actually supposed to be babysitting, but as usual I would rather blog instead of taking care of the little children called my siblings. Don’t worry, there are two more people here who can take care of them just as well as I can, maybe even better. So anyway, I’m kind of bored right now, but as I was saying before I’d really like to change. I’ve been using some pretty vulgar language lately, and I’m a little bit worried about it because maybe that’s the reason why Harryson doesn’t like me—oh, that’s a long story that I’ll have to tell you later because I don’t have much time right now. I’m just sitting on my couch watching Wendy Wu Homecoming Warrior which I haven’t seen in forever for some reason. I feel like I’m half asleep right now, but I have no idea why, and also I’m confused about the whole Harryson situation with him asking Maddi out and everything. Well right now, I am seriously dying here. Before I started this particular post this evening, I was writing another letter to Harryson for him to read in four years when he’s about to graduate from High School. Then, I will have been graduated for a year, and probably in high school. I would do anything for that kid. I would die for him. I would seriously lose my whole reputation just to make him happy, if it didn’t in any way take him any further away from me. I want to be closer to him, but things aren’t working out very well. I’ve been saying my prayers and wishing for the best, but maybe the fact that things aren’t working out are a sign… idk. I’m just a little bit too tired to reason about all of this right now. I’ll write more as soon as I can concentrate enough. I love y’all! <3

Wipe Away All The Pains of Yesterday

More like the pains of today... but what the hell. I guess I'll just deal with it. So for the most part of today I've just been sitting around because life hasn't been treating me very well. Today, I found out the wonderful news that Harryson never liked me in the first place... he's such a player and I kind of want to kill him right now. Hmmm. I can actually concentrate right now, and I'm just a little bit happy that this whole damn situation is over, at least for the most part. For once I thought that a guy might have actually cared about me, but it appears that I was utterly misinformed. I am seriously dying inside right now, because he was one of the nicest--or seemingly nicest guys I have ever met, and I thought that for once there was a guy that actually wanted to pursue a relationship with me, instead of just participating in friendship like usually happens with guys. I have only three exes in my life. Tyler, who was my best friend, Jason Daniels who I actually didn't know very well, and Erik who I only went out with for about two weeks. I am so tired right now, and I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to last very long tomorrow without bursting into tears in front of everyone. I'm not afraid to do it, actually. I want to see more of Harryson, but I'm kind of afraid to see where this leads. If I get sunk anymore into this stupid situation then I am seriously going to take drastic action and move somewhere very very far away. Like maybe Italy, or Bermuda. I just want to go somewhere where no one will ever be able to find me unless they are like Garcia from Criminal Minds, which I doubt is going to be very easy. Basically, I want to disappear from the face of the earth and never be seen again, without dying. I have dreams and everything, but I'm kind of finding it hard to pursue them in my current point in time with all of this depression. I'm kind of just a little bit angry with all of those bastards out there who think they can trick me with their lies... I kind of want someone who will understand me even when I can't, someone who will listen to me even when I sound really stupid. I want someone who is like Justin from my novel, the one who will always be there to protect me even when things seem hopeless. I really thought that would be Harryson, but maybe I was wrong... I should probably go now, but I'll try to write more later.
<3 y'all!

Not So Broken Today

Well as of 12:00 AM, I've decided today is actually a pretty good day. At least for right now... <3 Well I've been a little bit happier lately, but not too much because that would just be too weird to have me be really happy all of a sudden when I'm supposed to be all depressed. I mean, seriously! Who just pops up all happy after twelve or thirteen weeks of major depression.Well, I have a new love-interest... <3  His name is Harryson Thompson, and actually he's a year younger than me, but I think he's going to work out a lot better they would with the lion. Don't worry, I'll try to make this short--or as short as possible... I'm not sure how short I can manage though. I have been thinking a lot. So my friend is pretty sure that this guy likes me back, but I'm still not completely sure even though I read the whole conversation that they had over Facebook... it's kind of hard to understand though. It's written in more of a guy language so it's a bit more difficult to read... like guys say it's hard for them to understand a girls mind, this is what I feel about  this whole situation with Harryson. I now it's really stupid to ask for advice from people who don't even know me, but  I'm supposed to be asking him out on Monday and I kind of need to get the courage to do that. I tried on Friday, but he wasn't able to talk for very long, so I didn't even get to the part where I ask him out. I've tried distractions... from like every single thing I can think of.. but nothing works. It's like he's meant to be the only thing on my mind. Ugh, I'm so tired, but like it's always been before I can't sleep... maybe I'm like not supposed to be sleeping but I highly doubt that. I think that my nervousness would have some respect for my need for sleep, right but no, they just have to let me deal with what it wants me to deal with! Sorry this is getting long, and I haven't even gotten to the point yet, so I'll end here and just try to explain later. Love y'all! <3