Round and Round

Yeah, I ended up coming back to my blog. I'm so bored now, even though I've got the TV going in the background. I'm watching Once Upon A Time right now, which is tied as my favorite show even though I don't really get how all of them link together. Just kidding, I totally do. It's so easy to follow. That's one of the reasons why I love it so much. Especially Prince Charming, who is perfect for me. Yes, me and no one else. I know I seem so defensive now that the whole charming thing has come into the picture. I guess I just wish he were really mine.. I know he's like ten years older than me (maybe even older) but he's still mine because I love him. I know he's just an actor, but its his character that I love and I don't even know his name... his real name that is.

I slept half the day away and now I'm even more exhausted then before. I'm not even sure why I even woke up. I'm so exhausted I can barely keep awake to write this. So, while I try to blink myself awake I guess I'll just tell you my two favorite shows and then tell you why I love them so much.

1. Future Diary
It's about the guy who gets the Diary, I know I know I've explained it before. I love it because the character Yuno reminds me of me. I'm vulnerable, and I'm really in love with this guy right now. The only thing is I don't think I would take it as far as Yuno did.

I've already explained Once Upon A Time, it's the show about the fairy tales being real;)

Anime

Well, I'm really bored right now, I have been since morning so I decided I was going to watch Anime until something more interesting came up. It's in sub so I'm trying really hard to pay attention because obviously I don't speak Japanese fluently and I need either subtitles or the dub version to understand what is going on. Right now I'm watching Future Diary which is my new favorite Anime as of when Haiden told me to watch it when we first met. I seriously love that kid.  He has been so nice to me and I love talking to him because it makes me feel important.

We met at Anime Banzai and I kinda stalked him (not literally) so I could find out who he really was. He's seventeen and he acts like he's really into me. I can't help but be head over heels for him. Future Diary is his favorite Anime so I thought I'd give it a try. He seems LDS but I'm not sure if he is or notso I simply have to wait until he either confirms or denies it. I really can't want. That's really all I wanted to say on this post, but if something happens later I'll be sure to update you. Thank you so much for reading my blog:) I love all of you!

Meow

Let me start my saying that I really don't know what this blog entry is going to be about. I've been roleplaying all day, and it's fun I'm just really tired and I'm not sure how much more I can handle. I've had it with guys. They are just too confusing and I'm not really sure what to do next. There isn't much going on here in my little city, but I wish there was. I just got home from my grandparents thanksgiving dinner, and it was delicious. There's only one problem. I only ate mashed potatoes because I have a problem where I am leaning on the side of anorexia. I know, scary. Just don't tell anyone, because I've already been chewed out by all of my friends and I'm tired of it.

I don't really have much to say other than I think I'm in love. Yes, I know I say this a ton, but this guy has been here for me through and through. His name is Jared, and he is AMAZING. We talk every day and I really can't handle it when he doesn't talk to me a lot. He hasn't answered for a little bit so I'm getting a little bit worried about why. Sometimes he just gets busy and that may be it, but one never knows. Wish me luck, any tips, please email me <3

So Happy

Well I don't have a lot of time this morning, but I just gotta say that I am happy. My ex of a few months messaged with me yesterday, and I discovered some pretty AMAZING things. Like for one, he took two months to get over me instead of the few days I thought it was. I don't know why, but I still love the kid even though I hurt him. Not intentionally of course, but I have my standards and I'm not so sure he really respected those. I really want him back but he's taken.

Here's what I know:

• she's gorgeous
• he basically replaced me with her when she's nearly the same person as me. Same hair, same eyes, we both wear glasses, she says she's lucky to have him 
• I miss him... a lot more than I should. Derek, if you read this... Know I love you. Yep, I still love you <3
• He's beautiful. He's the most amazing guy I've ever met, and I really want to share my life with him, because he makes me happier than anybody else ever has.

Well, I gotta go now, but I'll probably write more after school.
<3/
Leila

Epic Fail

Well if you remember from my last post, I was trying not to like any guys, but just yesterday I realized there are actually two guys that I like. One who I'm really good friends with, and another one that I actually don't know that well because we were only introduced a few days ago, but I kinda had a moment where things were a little bit dramatic and now I like him.

My Close Friend
Fitting title for the guy. Ever since the beginning of the year he and I have become really close and I'm afraid that I just realized that both he and I like each other. I mean, I sorta knew he liked me, but it's more of the fact that I didn't realize I liked him till now, and the thing is it's making it really hard to concentrate because not being around him makes me miss him terribly and I  spend all of my time wondering if he's thinking about me too.
There was a little while ago, a time when we were talking about crushes, and he wouldn't tell us who he liked so I'm assuming that it was someone in our group--either me, or this other girl who also likes him--I'm personally hoping it's me. He and I have nearly everything in common, and the fact that he's so easy to talk to makes him so much easier to talk to. That's that whole story--or the jist of it if you wanted to hear, now for the other guy.

My Best Friend's Crush
Another fitting title. So, about a year ago I re-met a really good friend of mine, and ever since then we've been getting closer. For secrecy I won't reveal her name, but I will tell you that she is also just like me. A writer, and such a caring person. So, eventually we became so close that we started talking about crushes and she told me all the time about this guy she's liked for awhile, but I didn't meet him until a few days ago like I said before. Well, here's the thing. It's kind of ironic, but at first I didn't think he was that attractive, but now that I've seen him it's kind of changed a ton.
Technically, I liked him from the first moment I saw him, but it's kind of backfired because he now knows, and he doesn't like me back. I will say it hurts, but honestly, I like my close friend a lot more than this guy even though I feel like I can tell him anything. My friend, the one who likes this guy took finding out pretty well, but she still gets first dibs which I don't mind at all.

It's not like I'm trying to find a husband or anything, sometimes it's just a fun thing to like a guy and get caught up in all of the stuff that goes on. I hope something good happens.
Later,
Leila

NO More Guys!

So, as of today, I've decided not to let any more guys in my life unless they choose to let me in theirs the way I want them to. I've been hurt so many times, and I'm sick of it. Personally, right now I don't really care if they hate me or not, but honestly, I would be very grateful if they didn't. The times I've been hurt are stupid, and all I need to focus on right now is school. Thanks boys, for everything.
Leila <3

Meh

I would say that I feel indifferent about all of this, but I really don't. Everything seems to be falling apart now, and I'm really tired of it. Things with guys, family--well not as much, but it's still a little bit hard right now. I don't like anyone right now because I kind of forgot how horrible it is to get your heart broken and since I did, I have no interest in guys. I feel like everything in this world is crashing into me and I'm tired of it. I just want one thing to go right for once, but it looks like I'm not even going to get that.

I know that people say good things come to those who wait and I'm still really young, but I honestly believe I've waited long enough for something to happen. Seriously, how long does a girl have to wait for something positively wonderful to happen, for someone to look at her the way she wants them to. I may be young, and shouldn't expect it, but my problem in life is that I have never been truly in love. I've always thought I was, and that they loved me back but I was wrong.

I'm going to make you a list of what I want in a guy. I'd appreciate it if you didn't leave rude comments in the comments section because y'all are lucky that I'm sharing such personal information with all of you.

1. I want them to respect me.  Respect has always been a big thing with me. If I meet a guy that only wants me for my body the whole thing will end after only a few minutes of what happened. 
2. I want them to love me no matter what. If I were to meet a guy that wanted to change things about me  without looking at the positive, I won't go for it. I want them to show me they love me by believing I'm beautiful just the way I am.
3. I'd honestly have to say that I want them to be attractive. I've heard it said that you have to find the guy you're with attractive or it isn't a real relationship. I guess that the attractiveness could grow overtime.
4. I want them to be a perfect gentleman. They need to show me that there are guys out there that will love you, and fight for you, and share their secrets and keep their promises with me.

 I want the guy to come to me. I don't care if he's shy, I want him to be brave for me. I want him to be happy for me with my accomplishments, and have me be one of his accomplishments, but not just that. I want him to see my love as a gift, and to respect that I can take it away at any point. Thanks everyone for reading this, and thanks but I've gotta get  going right now.
--Em