Epic Fail

Well if you remember from my last post, I was trying not to like any guys, but just yesterday I realized there are actually two guys that I like. One who I'm really good friends with, and another one that I actually don't know that well because we were only introduced a few days ago, but I kinda had a moment where things were a little bit dramatic and now I like him.

My Close Friend
Fitting title for the guy. Ever since the beginning of the year he and I have become really close and I'm afraid that I just realized that both he and I like each other. I mean, I sorta knew he liked me, but it's more of the fact that I didn't realize I liked him till now, and the thing is it's making it really hard to concentrate because not being around him makes me miss him terribly and I  spend all of my time wondering if he's thinking about me too.
There was a little while ago, a time when we were talking about crushes, and he wouldn't tell us who he liked so I'm assuming that it was someone in our group--either me, or this other girl who also likes him--I'm personally hoping it's me. He and I have nearly everything in common, and the fact that he's so easy to talk to makes him so much easier to talk to. That's that whole story--or the jist of it if you wanted to hear, now for the other guy.

My Best Friend's Crush
Another fitting title. So, about a year ago I re-met a really good friend of mine, and ever since then we've been getting closer. For secrecy I won't reveal her name, but I will tell you that she is also just like me. A writer, and such a caring person. So, eventually we became so close that we started talking about crushes and she told me all the time about this guy she's liked for awhile, but I didn't meet him until a few days ago like I said before. Well, here's the thing. It's kind of ironic, but at first I didn't think he was that attractive, but now that I've seen him it's kind of changed a ton.
Technically, I liked him from the first moment I saw him, but it's kind of backfired because he now knows, and he doesn't like me back. I will say it hurts, but honestly, I like my close friend a lot more than this guy even though I feel like I can tell him anything. My friend, the one who likes this guy took finding out pretty well, but she still gets first dibs which I don't mind at all.

It's not like I'm trying to find a husband or anything, sometimes it's just a fun thing to like a guy and get caught up in all of the stuff that goes on. I hope something good happens.
Later,
Leila

NO More Guys!

So, as of today, I've decided not to let any more guys in my life unless they choose to let me in theirs the way I want them to. I've been hurt so many times, and I'm sick of it. Personally, right now I don't really care if they hate me or not, but honestly, I would be very grateful if they didn't. The times I've been hurt are stupid, and all I need to focus on right now is school. Thanks boys, for everything.
Leila <3

Meh

I would say that I feel indifferent about all of this, but I really don't. Everything seems to be falling apart now, and I'm really tired of it. Things with guys, family--well not as much, but it's still a little bit hard right now. I don't like anyone right now because I kind of forgot how horrible it is to get your heart broken and since I did, I have no interest in guys. I feel like everything in this world is crashing into me and I'm tired of it. I just want one thing to go right for once, but it looks like I'm not even going to get that.

I know that people say good things come to those who wait and I'm still really young, but I honestly believe I've waited long enough for something to happen. Seriously, how long does a girl have to wait for something positively wonderful to happen, for someone to look at her the way she wants them to. I may be young, and shouldn't expect it, but my problem in life is that I have never been truly in love. I've always thought I was, and that they loved me back but I was wrong.

I'm going to make you a list of what I want in a guy. I'd appreciate it if you didn't leave rude comments in the comments section because y'all are lucky that I'm sharing such personal information with all of you.

1. I want them to respect me.  Respect has always been a big thing with me. If I meet a guy that only wants me for my body the whole thing will end after only a few minutes of what happened. 
2. I want them to love me no matter what. If I were to meet a guy that wanted to change things about me  without looking at the positive, I won't go for it. I want them to show me they love me by believing I'm beautiful just the way I am.
3. I'd honestly have to say that I want them to be attractive. I've heard it said that you have to find the guy you're with attractive or it isn't a real relationship. I guess that the attractiveness could grow overtime.
4. I want them to be a perfect gentleman. They need to show me that there are guys out there that will love you, and fight for you, and share their secrets and keep their promises with me.

 I want the guy to come to me. I don't care if he's shy, I want him to be brave for me. I want him to be happy for me with my accomplishments, and have me be one of his accomplishments, but not just that. I want him to see my love as a gift, and to respect that I can take it away at any point. Thanks everyone for reading this, and thanks but I've gotta get  going right now.
--Em

 

Sorta, Kinda, Not Really

Well, the title basically explains how I'm feeling at the moment. I've learned a lot of things that have been really hard for me, especially today, and there are a few things that I hate to have to deal with in this life. Just barely today, I found out that the boy I like a lot doesn't feel the same about me, and that is killing me. For the longest time I honestly believed that it was reciprocated, but his sister, just barely today informed me otherwise. I guess I've had my time and believing the way he felt was the same that I did, but I should have figured otherwise. Instead of making a list of all the things that went wrong, I'm going to tell you a few stories. Stories that happened between him and I that made me happy when they happened, but now they kind of haunt me.

• Our first Waltz
• Well, it was a regional dance, and I danced with this person twice. It was the best ten minutes of my life, and I can't really express how grateful I am for all of this. No matter how much I hurt now, it really was worth all of the things that happened that made me happy. He's the one that taught me how to waltz, and I will honestly say that nothing is going to tear me away from liking--or loving him.
• The Phantom and Christine
• It started at a a dance party. Sara and I were dancing around, and then he came in the room. My one and only, my phantom, my angel of music and he turned on that very song and he gave me the opportunity to be Christine for once in my life. It was probably one of the best times of my life and it will never be taken away from me no matter what happens.

No matter what happens in the next little while, when Matthew goes on his mission I'll always remember the way he makes me feel when I'm around him. He may not like me now, but I know with a conviction that he will at one point like me, even if it's after I don't like him (which I'm also doubting will ever happen).

1. He is my happiness
2. His voice mesmerizes me like the angel of music.
3. We get along quite well
4. I know his sister well

I'm not quite sure what that list was of, but it's what I typed up, so here we go. I should probably go now, so I don't dwell too much on the things that cause me pain.

Love,

Lindsay <3

Just Being Me

Well, I am back after a temporary vacancy of posting. Not much has happened, but what has had been simply amazing to me, and it brings me great joy to tell all of you that the time I have spent down in the dumps has been changed to great happiness now, and I hope to never go back. So, for a recap. I don't know who I last spoke about on the hand of guys, but instead of talking about guys like I usually do I just want to tell you that I have changed a lot since I last talked to you and even I have noticed a change in my maturity. I've learned a lot and I just wanted to share a few things with you.

1. There is no age limit to be in love, you just have to have a certain maturity about you that you understand what being in love really takes.

• You have to care about someone so much that you would put their happiness in front of your own, even if it hurts you a lot to not be with them.

2. Love doesn't necessarily have to go both ways, it just has to be accepted that you understand them, and truly know who they are without assuming things.

I've had my scars, and I've made my mistakes, but I just want to let you know that every moment of it was worth it. Yes, I know, my life is very far from being done, but even in my young age I've learned a lot, and hope that I can learn even more. I'm even looking forward to the heart break because that will just give me even more opportunities to learn.

When I think about all I've learned and how it's gotten me through all of this to know that God is really here and he understands me. I've had such a great life, and when I think about the fact of it ever being over would just kill me. I'm just watching Phantom of the Opera and it's reminding me of the person right now that is very close to me who I have been trying to get much closer to. He is my Phantom, and I'm his Christine (as I see it, anyway)

I told you I wasn't going to bring guys into this but I really can't help it now that I've already started talking about it. His name shall remain secret, but the fact that he means so much to me means that I probably wouldn't be afraid of telling you who he was. He has such a big heart, and don't misunderstand me when I say this, but he makes me seem like a horrible person when it comes to manners. He is such a gentleman and he always makes me feel right at home whenever we're talking.

The song Think of Me totally explains what he makes me feel, and when I see his smile and hear his laugh it makes me wish that he would think of me even more than I did even when I had just barely met him.
For now I mmust go, but I really appreciate anyone who reads this. It's good to vent, and I love all of your comments/advice so please comment away even if I don't know you. Thanks.
Ema