Meh

I would say that I feel indifferent about all of this, but I really don't. Everything seems to be falling apart now, and I'm really tired of it. Things with guys, family--well not as much, but it's still a little bit hard right now. I don't like anyone right now because I kind of forgot how horrible it is to get your heart broken and since I did, I have no interest in guys. I feel like everything in this world is crashing into me and I'm tired of it. I just want one thing to go right for once, but it looks like I'm not even going to get that.

I know that people say good things come to those who wait and I'm still really young, but I honestly believe I've waited long enough for something to happen. Seriously, how long does a girl have to wait for something positively wonderful to happen, for someone to look at her the way she wants them to. I may be young, and shouldn't expect it, but my problem in life is that I have never been truly in love. I've always thought I was, and that they loved me back but I was wrong.

I'm going to make you a list of what I want in a guy. I'd appreciate it if you didn't leave rude comments in the comments section because y'all are lucky that I'm sharing such personal information with all of you.

1. I want them to respect me.  Respect has always been a big thing with me. If I meet a guy that only wants me for my body the whole thing will end after only a few minutes of what happened. 
2. I want them to love me no matter what. If I were to meet a guy that wanted to change things about me  without looking at the positive, I won't go for it. I want them to show me they love me by believing I'm beautiful just the way I am.
3. I'd honestly have to say that I want them to be attractive. I've heard it said that you have to find the guy you're with attractive or it isn't a real relationship. I guess that the attractiveness could grow overtime.
4. I want them to be a perfect gentleman. They need to show me that there are guys out there that will love you, and fight for you, and share their secrets and keep their promises with me.

 I want the guy to come to me. I don't care if he's shy, I want him to be brave for me. I want him to be happy for me with my accomplishments, and have me be one of his accomplishments, but not just that. I want him to see my love as a gift, and to respect that I can take it away at any point. Thanks everyone for reading this, and thanks but I've gotta get  going right now.
--Em